I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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