I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
