dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
