YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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