So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
