drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
