Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this boner is exhausting
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
