look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
that is very illegal...i love you.
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