OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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