I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
