Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
