What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
