I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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