Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize
