saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
