I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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