I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
