I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
