Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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