last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
