No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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