So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize