I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I didn't notice because vodka
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
