The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
