Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
