He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
