I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
