we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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