no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
