A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
