When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
