I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
