I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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