i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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