I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
