A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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