I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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