They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
