I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
