Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
