Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
