We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
