Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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