I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
