i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
