If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
