like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
