my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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