Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
