I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
