If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
