so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
