my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
