i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
