whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
